That day I prayed to God that I would find my dog.
I forgot to pray that she should be alive when I found her.
Sunday, June 23, 2019
Saturday, June 22, 2019
Beck is Dead, Part III
I had thoughts, fears about Beck dying because I didn't know how I would cope without her.
I guess that day came.
I guess that day came.
Shadows
You can say my conversation with Elijah was overshadowed by the death of my dog.
On June 20th, he sent me a text-message, "I don't want to talk to you." His reasons weren't exactly clear, although he stated that "By talking to someone that felt like they were entitled to something." I wanted to correct him by saying it's "whom" not "that," but whatever.
But that's simple enough. I told him I wouldn't bother him again.
Harry made the comment that it sounded like high school.
On June 20th, he sent me a text-message, "I don't want to talk to you." His reasons weren't exactly clear, although he stated that "By talking to someone that felt like they were entitled to something." I wanted to correct him by saying it's "whom" not "that," but whatever.
But that's simple enough. I told him I wouldn't bother him again.
Harry made the comment that it sounded like high school.
Beck is Dead, Part II
Beck had a special relationship with my father. She always behaved better for him, and they seemed to talk to each other on multiple levels.
She went missing for about thirty minutes before I called him to help me search for her. Within a few hours, we had filed a lost dog report for the animal services, posted a Craigslist notice, called all the local vet clinics, connected with a local Facebook group that finds lost dogs, and etc.
I walked the area she went missing, and couldn't find her. I was at the far back of the park when I ran into some strangers, and asked him if they'd see a Doberman.
"The one with the blue service dog vest? Yeah, she's dead, she's between the sixth and eighth hole," he told me.
I walked away and called my father, asking if it was true. Yes, he had found her.
Dad and I took Beck to the vet clinic, where I want to have her cremated. I asked to spend some time with her, and they put Beck in the conference room, and I sat there with her.
Dad joined me, and taking a tissue, wiped Beck's face, removing the grass.
It was then that I started to cry.
She went missing for about thirty minutes before I called him to help me search for her. Within a few hours, we had filed a lost dog report for the animal services, posted a Craigslist notice, called all the local vet clinics, connected with a local Facebook group that finds lost dogs, and etc.
I walked the area she went missing, and couldn't find her. I was at the far back of the park when I ran into some strangers, and asked him if they'd see a Doberman.
"The one with the blue service dog vest? Yeah, she's dead, she's between the sixth and eighth hole," he told me.
I walked away and called my father, asking if it was true. Yes, he had found her.
Dad and I took Beck to the vet clinic, where I want to have her cremated. I asked to spend some time with her, and they put Beck in the conference room, and I sat there with her.
Dad joined me, and taking a tissue, wiped Beck's face, removing the grass.
It was then that I started to cry.
Friday, June 21, 2019
Beck is Dead
I told my mother many times that I wanted Beck to die while playing at the park, fast and painlessly with a heart attack at the age of ten, instead of growing old and endure great physical pain that comes with age.
Beck is dead. She died sometime around 11am yesterday.
I keep turning my head, instinctively looking for her, but she is never found.
Beck and I were at one of the many parks in Yuppieville. As soon as I opened the back of the Tahoe, Beck flew out of the SUV, and tore down the park, running as fast as she can. I caught up with her in a few minutes, and found her digging a hole under a tree. I turn my back, and call for her but she never runs to catch up. I look back over my shoulder and can't find her.
Hours later, Beck is located right in the spot where I saw her last. She probably died quickly and peacefully. There were no signs of trauma.
For the better part of her six year old life, I was with her constantly. We were usually never more than a few feet apart from each other. I took her everywhere, to school, to my doctors' appointments, to the grocery store, Costco--
I have no idea what to do about all her balls that she loved. Should I get rid of her dog bed?
I have to face all those people at school, who are used to seeing me with Beck, and deal with their questions about why she's suddenly missing. Many students received great pleasure from having her in class. Beck was known for walking up to a student while she/he is sitting at the desk, and gently resting her chin on their thigh, coming up for a pet. She got one student through an anxiety attack.
I have dog food that she'll never eat. I have tick medication and wormer for her that she'll never swallow down. I have a dog bed she'll never lie in again. I'll be alone now when I'm downtown.
She was beautiful. People told me that over and over every time we went outside.
Beck is dead. She died sometime around 11am yesterday.
I keep turning my head, instinctively looking for her, but she is never found.
Beck and I were at one of the many parks in Yuppieville. As soon as I opened the back of the Tahoe, Beck flew out of the SUV, and tore down the park, running as fast as she can. I caught up with her in a few minutes, and found her digging a hole under a tree. I turn my back, and call for her but she never runs to catch up. I look back over my shoulder and can't find her.
Hours later, Beck is located right in the spot where I saw her last. She probably died quickly and peacefully. There were no signs of trauma.
For the better part of her six year old life, I was with her constantly. We were usually never more than a few feet apart from each other. I took her everywhere, to school, to my doctors' appointments, to the grocery store, Costco--
I have no idea what to do about all her balls that she loved. Should I get rid of her dog bed?
I have to face all those people at school, who are used to seeing me with Beck, and deal with their questions about why she's suddenly missing. Many students received great pleasure from having her in class. Beck was known for walking up to a student while she/he is sitting at the desk, and gently resting her chin on their thigh, coming up for a pet. She got one student through an anxiety attack.
I have dog food that she'll never eat. I have tick medication and wormer for her that she'll never swallow down. I have a dog bed she'll never lie in again. I'll be alone now when I'm downtown.
She was beautiful. People told me that over and over every time we went outside.
Tuesday, June 4, 2019
Saturday, June 1, 2019
Things I Do Understand, Part II
Why do we care about those who discard of us?
Because it either affects our pride or mounting evidence that we were unlovable in the first place.
Because it either affects our pride or mounting evidence that we were unlovable in the first place.
Things I Do Understand
One of the main problems of being "ghosted," no matter by whom, is the fact that the rejected person has a near-delusional belief that the someone will see the error in his/her ways, and contact him/her again, like it was all some large mistake.
We don't like to think that we're cast aside for any good or realistic reason. I'm a genuinely nice, thoughtful person, who would want to hurt me?
As time goes by, this belief continues to dim until it is finally snuffed out. How long does that take? I'm still holding out hopes for Morpheus to email me, and it's been one year and five long months.
We don't like to think that we're cast aside for any good or realistic reason. I'm a genuinely nice, thoughtful person, who would want to hurt me?
As time goes by, this belief continues to dim until it is finally snuffed out. How long does that take? I'm still holding out hopes for Morpheus to email me, and it's been one year and five long months.
Things I Don't Understand
I don't understand why he blocked my phone (I also don't have the make and model of his cellphone so I don't know if he still received TXT-messages from my phone or if that was severed as well), I didn't call him often, but more importantly I don't understand why he's still friends with me on Facebook. If you are going to dump someone, isn't that the first step? Cutting ties with Facebook?
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