Three Different Antipsychotics

My doctor up at Stanford Psychiatric Outpatient believes that the drugs I'm taking affect me cognitively.

For instance, I failed my first reading quiz in my American Lit class, and had to go to the professor personally and apologize. I told him I read the material, even if that's not reflected in my score. If you check on the school's website for class, I currently have 30% in American Lit.

One of the biggest culprits is the Ativan I take for my moderate-to-severe anxiety. I live on that shit because I'm almost always in a shade of anxiety. My doctor told me that taking Ativan was like downing a shot of whickey. (I wanted to ask him if I could just switch the Ativan for Grey Goose, but I didn't want to push my luck).

I'm now on three different antipsychotics, Abilify, Seroquel and clozapine, the heavy hitter.

Because I've been struggling so much, with my mood, with the voices, with the anxiety--and the pain--I've decided not to return to college next semester. I can tell that I'm just not on the top of my game. My grades are reflecting that.  I'm going to try to obtain a real estate agent license.

Maybe Someday

A few weeks ago, I received a "Restricted" call around midnight. Someone blocking their caller ID.

I've been puzzled by this for a while. Honestly, I think it was Morpheus having a nostalgic moment in which called but doesn't want further contact from me.

He's done this before, but it was years ago.

So, I waited for an email, a TXT-message, something to follow up the call, and so far there's been nothing.

This all falls back on my desire to be unforgettable, and special.

There's no proof that it was Morpheus, but I magically jump and say it was him. 

It also deals with the fact that I can't let him go. I still love him despite the fact that it's been a year and over eight months since we have had any contact.

Maybe some day I can put this behind me.