I am convinced that my writing would be better if I was off of all my meds, and that fact has led me to believe that all my writing on the meds is shit.
That fact is a little voice in my head sing-songing as I'm trying to write while on the Topamax, lithium and clozapine.
Mostly, I blame this on the clozapine and the Topamax, although you could throw in--fuck it! Blame the lithium as well.
I don't like any of my recent writing--matter of fact, I like the shit I wrote while I was psychotic better. Even if it didn't make sense, it had its own music. You can't help but love people who dance in the street to their own music--I was that person. Raving. Scary. But there was at least music.
I wonder if there will always be some cosmic trade off. Will I have to hide myself in some apartment, strip away all the medications, the doctors, sit at the computer and wait for the craziness to come out before I could ever publish a book?
And then, worse, I think, is it all really the same? The quality equal, but I just can't see it because I hate the medications so much?
Fuck.
I do find that you write more when you're off your meds, and that the writing you do then is more descriptive and kind of almost poetic. But I'm an impartial fangirl, so... :P
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