From the Time I Was Very Young

I had goals--okay, the problem was never that I was aimless.

From the time I was very young, I wanted to be a doctor (treating humans, originally)--but as time pressed on, it became clear that I could never go through the schooling. Science, although I found it interesting, it was not my strength--learning literature was easier for me.

Life, the normal goals and bench marks, they slowed and then they just stopped--like how a beat up truck will just turn its tires in the mud and then finally quit, sinking further and further into a cosmic mess. You can take a shovel around the axle and it can take a lifetime to back out.

I wanted a successful professional life to make up for the empty personal space--so no one would notice the lack of intimacy. Again, in my youth, I figured I'd never marry nor have children. I guessed, I gambled on that idea. Funny how little knowledge we have back then, and how powerful preconceived ideas have on us. At age ten, I only knew of one marriage, my parents, and from that I decided I'd never have my own. I'd grow up and have strength of character that would never lean on another. I'd be timber and tall and terrible to drive all away.

I'm only thirty. Life is far from over. Life, though, slips through the cracks when you're waiting for it to pass by and jerk you to change. When you wait for it to toss you about and create a miracle.