Elijah Part VII

Because of his background in psychopharmacology, one of his main interests is drugs, for most of these conversations, I recognize the drug and know a little about them. He sent me a picture of his books.

Far and away, Elijah is one of the smartest people I know, and probably the smartest person I've ever met who's in his early twenties.

I believe our disease tells us things about ourselves that simply is not true. A brain like Elijah deserves to be a Stanford or UPenn (Wharton School of Business). Instead, he's stuck in a local community college. Maybe no one told him he could or maybe someone told him no.

Elijah Part VI

My mother, after my initial meeting with Elijah and his father, told me to tell young Elijah the benefits of stopping drinking and doing drugs and coming over to the other side, which is infinitely more boring like taking your medications at the same time, every night and/or every morning.Sleeping.

I was sitting in Elijah's Cadillac Escalade, and Elijah offered me nitrious, the kind you breathe in and for a few seconds, you're high, but then the high goes away,

We were supposed to park somewhere downtown to sit at a California-Mex restaurant that everyone swears is the best place to eat in town.

It was on a Saturday, my parents were getting ready to leave for Las Vegas, and I intended on having Elijah come over after they've left.

Elijah, on the other hand, was drinking at a bar downtown while waiting for me.

By the time, we found each other in the hectic early afternoon due to some car show or what not, he was already drunk.

We got our tables at the Cali-Mex restaurant and he was holding his head in his hand. He didn't order anything, so I sat alone eating my burrito, and then boxing it up of later dinners.

I asked him as we left the restaurant, if he was okay to drive. He assured me he was.

I waited for him outside the community gate, even though I had him cleared as a guest.

Something happened, and the arm of the gate came down on top of his SUV, he was so angry at the staff that zoomed out of there, recklessly.

I sent TXT- messages asking him to stop driving and that I would take him home. His response, "Fuck you. I'm going home."

Elijah Part V

You hear this bing on your cell, and it happens again and again. After a little while, the sound becomes normal.

Then it stops.

But then there's silence--gone---you realize how much you deserve and desire for human contact. When you feel the cold ocean, and it slowly swallows you. Your frantic legs, the twisting and turning, and no one to pull you out. So, you're too tired to pattle, so you give up on that.

You can't find the ocean. You can't fight the something so large and powerful and dangerous. You care at his whims.

Elijah Part IV

While we were all sitting at a restaurant on a counter, Elijah's father was there, and then my parents and me.

The young man sit oppose of me. When Elijah took off his sunglasses, I was paralyzed by them. They're blue.

I wanted to drink with him, and then find some bar where we could dance.

"Let's go dancing!" Elijah offers. I decline. I have to take my meds at a certain time in the night every day.

I'm not twenty-three anymore. I can't just pour my pills down the toilet and hope for the rest. I remember those days when the whole world is prime for the picking. And now?

I haven't had sex in years, it will be three years in September.

Elijah Part III

Elijah studies psychopharmacology, which mean he knows a lot about drugs. As a lay person who's never graduate from college, much less gone on into medical school, I usually understand what he's talking about. The stuff I don't understand, I have to Google. I've never been in a relationship with someone who's younger than me, and I have to look up words.

He's the only man who has left messages on my phone (in the middle of night), reciting poetry.

Elijah Part I [UPDATED]

Elijah.
The man with schizoaffective disorder

When I first met him on the back patio, with all my parents and including Elijah's father.

Elijah's father, James, is raised partially by my father, who adopted me. Dad attempted to become James' father, but there were issues with the adoption.

Technically, that makes Elijah my nephew. As I told my mother, who thought I was joking, in Game of Thrones, that would be perfectly acceptable.

I guess when I found Elijah, I felt like I had found a soul mate, someone who knows all about the deepest parts of me.

He reminded me so much of me when I was his age (he's only 23). The reckless behavior, the drugs, I understand it. Alcohol was my main drug. I love it, even now, but I know that drinking is not good for my mental stability.

He's about my height, but much thinner than I am. He has a handsome face.

When I first met him, I just noticed how anxious he was, but after we left the ranch for a late lunch, after he got some alcohol in his system, he seemed much more gregarious.

At the end of the meal, I asked Elijah if he was on Facebook. He replied yes. A little while later, he said, "Don't forget."

Driving home from the restaurant, I added his name to Facebook. The next day he asked from my cell phone number,and after that, I maintained an ongoing conversations on a daily basis. We just talked and talked.

Elijah Part II

His semen tasted salty and warm.

I never took my clothes off, I didn't see the need to. I've refused sex because I hate looking myself in the mirror, much less let some practical stranger, Elijah, ogle at my fat thighs with cellulose. I have stretch marks on my arms and boobs. I'm a different person now. I don't get drunk and find some guy at the bar to go home with me.

But Elijah, he's in the mix of it, connections to about any drug available. (For the record, he doesn't deal with opioids--apparently has some prejudice against opiods, and has expressed to me multiple ptimes that I'm walking down a dangerous road, he put it, "slippery slope.") The fact that Stanford Pain Management sees me every two week for my Tylenol #4 prescription doesn't placate him nor easy his fears.