LIes and Breaking Each Other's Hearts

I went out with Lucky last night, and met up with him at a bar downtown Yuppieville. He was already drinking by the time I got there.

Everything was normal or usual in the beginning. WE just talked chit-chat, about our lives, who was doing what. Finally, the topic turned deep.

I asked him if there was ever a woman he trusted.

He said, "I never trusted you."

I asked him why.

HE said, "Remember that night you were in Santa Barbara..." He was talking about back in 2006 while we were still together, but fighting at the time.

He was referring to the night I was in Huntington Beach where I was visiting a client, and I was paid $500 for full service. Lucky called me while I was with the client. While returning Lucky's phone call, I lied about what I was doing that far south. I told him I was day catch riding.

Even then, he didn't believe me, but he let the subject drop at the time.

The next day, he dumped me.

He brought up many times over the years what I was doing that night--really--but I never answered.

Last night, I decided if he wanted to know the truth, perhaps he should although I couldn't see it doing anything but just more harm.

I left the bar without answering, again, about what I was doing that particular night, but it kept nagging at me.

I sent him  a TXT-message, "Its a shame you don't trust me but for years I cared for you deeply and for years I felt guilty over that night. I was driving home from Huntington Beach when you called. I was paid to sleep with a man. I needed the money for car insurance. It was the first time I was paid for having sex. Now you know the truth. Do you feel better knowing?"

He sent a TXT-message back, "Yes thank you. I trust you more now."

That was an almost perfect response, but of course, he had to fuck it up.

He sent another hours later. "I am sorry for breaking your heart in the first place, and now I feel like I just break your heart even more every time we hang out, but I know what I felt at the time and I was right."

Romance At Its Finest

What Kean did was mild compared to what happened to me a few months ago.

I met an Army Ranger on Christmas Day 2010 while I was drinking at a local bar. My parents and I were not getting along at the time because I was dancing, and they didn't approve of my occupation so I spent my holidays downtown.

George and I only spoke to each other briefly, but we exchange numbers.

After that, I stayed contact with him through Facebook as he headed to Afghanistan, and served his country there.

When he finally finished his deployment, and commented that he was headed to my area again, I left a comment on Facebook for him to let me know when he was in town.

He kept calling me at three am.

His TXT-messages were just as rude.

"What R U doing?" He asks.

"Laying in bed. You?"

"Same!!! U should join me....Ok???"

I never responded to that.

Stood Up

I got stood up.

His name is Kean (names changed). He is in the class before mine, linear analysis. So, every day of the week, we pass by each other. I use his desk. We started out making polite conversation, and then one day, out of spunk, I asked him if he wanted to have a beer with me after I finished my midterm.

He said yes.

He's plain looking with no hair on his head except some facial, and he's not my type (no one is really my type anymore).

After several failed attempts, we never got together, some of which were my fault. I've been sick with the flu.

Finally, on Monday, I asked him if we could see each other on Tuesday. He said, "Yes!"

On Tuesday, I sent him a message saying that we needed to get together early (I preferred five o' clock), as I had to get up early in the morning. I never heard anything back until almost six o' clock. By that point, I had almost finished my beer at the bar.

His response was, "Dangit. My message didn't send." He claims that he tried contacting me earlier. He couldn't leave to meet up with me because he was in study group, and "it doesn't look like we are close to finishing."

He also explained that "when [it] comes down to it, [school] is my number one priority..."

He asked if he could make it up to me by taking me out to dinner on Friday (today), but I refused.

I also called him a liar, saying, "Just don't lie and say your message didn't go through...."

Besides that, he knew about the study group on Monday, and could have planned accordingly.

In the Past

I don't know what Morpheus did with all those crazy-ass voicemails I left him while I was psychotic.

He never returned them, and he never talked about them afterwards.

Okay. Moving on.

The Silver Lining

I console myself with the fact that maybe if we were around each other every day, we would grow to hate each other like most couples.

Favorite Moments

"What?" He says, looking at me and smiling.

That's heaven.

Don't Laugh

When people laugh at the things I did while I was psychotic--I don't laugh with them.

I still have this guy I added on FAcebook because he lives in the same town Morpheus grew up so I magically knew that they were buddies and in the NSA together.

Yeah.

Okay. I laughed a little.