Taking Notice

 It was Mom's idea that I take lessons from Cox with Sawyer. That's how it all got started. It was interesting because Cox would not talk to me, and would flirt with my mother. I'm not really use to being ignored by men. I'm not in my twenties anymore, and I'm not a stripper. I don't put out that attitude. But damn, what the fuck is wrong with him? Why doesn't he notice me? Was it just about the money? I have my doubts that perhaps he's only loyal to the dollar. He has said that he's helping me because my mother has a horse in training (Lucy) and that my dad is looking for a finished cutting horse as well (all true). I would like it if he could be my friend, but I'm not naive. 

Then, slowly over time, he started talking to me, and looking at me, even though I really didn't talk much back. 

Most mornings, it's just Cox, and his assistant trainer, the Loper, who is very tall and lean. He's a good rider, and sometimes trains horses on the flag. Normally, I would be against that, but the Loper does a good job. The Loper doesn't talk much, and has known Cox for years. I usually start cleaning stalls on one side of the barn, and the Loper starts on the other side. He finishes before me. I'm slow. Dumping the manure wagon is the hardest part. But there's something about cleaning stalls that's deeply relaxing even though it's physically taxing. No one cares what the stall looks like after you're done (there are some standards). It's a mindless job. It's meditative. I don't like cleaning stalls, but I don't mind doing it either.

If you're cynical enough, you can say that Cox is just telling me all those things (that he likes me, etc) because he wants my parent's money and he figures helping me out will put in a good word with them. It's a lot of work to manipulate people like that, just for a couple of horses in training.  I don't want to think that's it, but I can't help the cognitions. He's pretty much said that's true, that's he's helping me because of my parents, but he tells me that he's my friend (that I have friends at the ranch). Where do you draw the line?