Monday, August 8, 2016
Why English 156 Wasn't Easy, Part X
"Maybe you should talk to someone about how upset you are, maybe someone at the disability center," my mother suggests after I walked out of class the second time.
Close to tears, I had called her while she was at work.
The truth is that probably no one gave a shit because no one besides me had ever directly dealt with the stigma of mental illness--or watched how it influenced even the most open minded people.
"Maybe you should tell your professor what happened so you won't lose credit," my father said.
I thought about sending the English instructor an email about discrimination against people with mental illness. So, I did. I wrote about how ignorant my peers were (without saying it directly, of course), and then I intended to shut up about it.
I couldn't miss the third day because we were taking our midterm.
Close to tears, I had called her while she was at work.
The truth is that probably no one gave a shit because no one besides me had ever directly dealt with the stigma of mental illness--or watched how it influenced even the most open minded people.
"Maybe you should tell your professor what happened so you won't lose credit," my father said.
I thought about sending the English instructor an email about discrimination against people with mental illness. So, I did. I wrote about how ignorant my peers were (without saying it directly, of course), and then I intended to shut up about it.
I couldn't miss the third day because we were taking our midterm.
Why English 156 Wasn't Easy VIV
My classmates were never directly mean to me or disrespectful. In fact, while I was in the computer lab after I ditched class the second time, one of the students approached me and asked if I was okay. She said the whole class wondered what happened to me.
I gave her a vague "I wasn't feel well" and left it at that.
I gave her a vague "I wasn't feel well" and left it at that.
Why English 156 Wasn't Easy, Part VIII
I don't even remember what they said specifically.
Most days starting English 156, the English instructor would put up a news article (strangely nothing about Trump or anything overtly political), and our duty was to write a short response to it in our journals (which I lost, and therefore didn't obtain any credit despite doing the work).
This particular morning the English instructor displayed a news item about a boy diagnosed with bipolar disorder, who brought two guns to school. The question posed was: should the boy be allowed to return to school? The article briefly mentioned that he was now doing well due to taking a mood stabilizer.
The answer to this is fairly evident because of the No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 which insists on fair and equal education to delinquent children and children with disabilities.
When asked by the instructor to discuss the topic, no one brought up the Act, including myself, who didn't learn about it until shortly after we had moved on to something else.
And because of this, many of the students were against the boy returning to public school.
"This article just perpetuates the stigma of mental illness," I began. "People with bipolar disorder or any other type of mental illness are much more likely to be victims of violent crime than perpetrators."
Of course the students made various comments about bipolar disorder (no one stopped to think that perhaps his bringing the guns to school had nothing to do with his mood disorder since the vast majority of people with bipolar disorder are not violent).
Finally, one female student behind me said, "I worked at [state hospital]..."
"Yes, I remember you telling me about that," the English instructor comments.
The woman continues with the statement that the patients would attack without being provoked, and that "people with mental illness don't change."
In her defense, I know of the hospital and its bad reputation. It treats forensic psychiatric patients, people who have committed crimes. Individuals with mental illness do break the law, just like individuals who are mentally sound.
Never mind that. I was instantly pissed off. "I don't believe that's true--" I start.
The English instructor holds up his hand, signaling for me to stop. He wants to continued onto another task for that day.
I was unbelievably upset. If it were left up to this group of students, I might possibly be denied a right to attend college because I was deemed a hazard to myself and other people. After all, hadn't I been psychotic once and held against my will in a locked ward?
I sat in my seat with emotions swirling around me and overwhelming me. I couldn't think nor concentrate. I gathered up my belongings and left class. I didn't return.
When I told my mother about the incident, she said, "That's hate speech. It's like saying 'niggers are too dumb to attend college, so we just shouldn't send them.' "
Hate speech in the classroom is protected by the Supreme Court (with exception when speech means to envoke violence). Students can say whatever the fuck they want no matter the effect it has on other people. That's Freedom of Speech.
I almost withdrew from the class over the incident. But it just would be another "W" on my record and more time wasted without getting anywhere.
The next day, I tried to attend class. I made it to my desk, and then just exited out again. I spent my time in the library.
Most days starting English 156, the English instructor would put up a news article (strangely nothing about Trump or anything overtly political), and our duty was to write a short response to it in our journals (which I lost, and therefore didn't obtain any credit despite doing the work).
This particular morning the English instructor displayed a news item about a boy diagnosed with bipolar disorder, who brought two guns to school. The question posed was: should the boy be allowed to return to school? The article briefly mentioned that he was now doing well due to taking a mood stabilizer.
The answer to this is fairly evident because of the No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 which insists on fair and equal education to delinquent children and children with disabilities.
When asked by the instructor to discuss the topic, no one brought up the Act, including myself, who didn't learn about it until shortly after we had moved on to something else.
And because of this, many of the students were against the boy returning to public school.
"This article just perpetuates the stigma of mental illness," I began. "People with bipolar disorder or any other type of mental illness are much more likely to be victims of violent crime than perpetrators."
Of course the students made various comments about bipolar disorder (no one stopped to think that perhaps his bringing the guns to school had nothing to do with his mood disorder since the vast majority of people with bipolar disorder are not violent).
Finally, one female student behind me said, "I worked at [state hospital]..."
"Yes, I remember you telling me about that," the English instructor comments.
The woman continues with the statement that the patients would attack without being provoked, and that "people with mental illness don't change."
In her defense, I know of the hospital and its bad reputation. It treats forensic psychiatric patients, people who have committed crimes. Individuals with mental illness do break the law, just like individuals who are mentally sound.
Never mind that. I was instantly pissed off. "I don't believe that's true--" I start.
The English instructor holds up his hand, signaling for me to stop. He wants to continued onto another task for that day.
I was unbelievably upset. If it were left up to this group of students, I might possibly be denied a right to attend college because I was deemed a hazard to myself and other people. After all, hadn't I been psychotic once and held against my will in a locked ward?
I sat in my seat with emotions swirling around me and overwhelming me. I couldn't think nor concentrate. I gathered up my belongings and left class. I didn't return.
When I told my mother about the incident, she said, "That's hate speech. It's like saying 'niggers are too dumb to attend college, so we just shouldn't send them.' "
Hate speech in the classroom is protected by the Supreme Court (with exception when speech means to envoke violence). Students can say whatever the fuck they want no matter the effect it has on other people. That's Freedom of Speech.
I almost withdrew from the class over the incident. But it just would be another "W" on my record and more time wasted without getting anywhere.
The next day, I tried to attend class. I made it to my desk, and then just exited out again. I spent my time in the library.
Woolf's Darkness
"Despair is a form of certainty, certainty that the future will be a lot like the present or will decline from it..."
--The New Yorker, "Woolf's Darkness: Embracing The Inexplicable" by Rebecca Solnit, April 24th, 2014
--The New Yorker, "Woolf's Darkness: Embracing The Inexplicable" by Rebecca Solnit, April 24th, 2014
Sunday, August 7, 2016
Rough Divorce, Part II
In his most recent email, The LSU Professor warned me against Morpheus, saying that I should be very careful with my heart. He stated that his divorce was rough too--but it never finished.
In my reading, I learned that on the average, people who stay married (even through difficult times) seem to be happier than those who divorce. I blame that on how we grow accustomed to even dreadful circumstances if we accept them and are unable (perhaps temporarily or perhaps more permanently) to change them without giving something substantial up. For instance, my situation at the hospital is always very restrictive, and I have few personal freedoms and/or privacy, but after a day, all of this seems normal and comforting. Granted being in a psychiatric ward is not the same as being in legal union. But don't you give up certain freedoms anyway for the stability of a marriage? You are forced to make choices--especially if children are involved. So many women (and men) lose their personal development and goals to become a full time parent. Not to say that individuals don't find great fulfillment in being a mother or a father--but others concede that they put off their own personal interests because of the family responsibilities--never to get that time back.
In my reading, I learned that on the average, people who stay married (even through difficult times) seem to be happier than those who divorce. I blame that on how we grow accustomed to even dreadful circumstances if we accept them and are unable (perhaps temporarily or perhaps more permanently) to change them without giving something substantial up. For instance, my situation at the hospital is always very restrictive, and I have few personal freedoms and/or privacy, but after a day, all of this seems normal and comforting. Granted being in a psychiatric ward is not the same as being in legal union. But don't you give up certain freedoms anyway for the stability of a marriage? You are forced to make choices--especially if children are involved. So many women (and men) lose their personal development and goals to become a full time parent. Not to say that individuals don't find great fulfillment in being a mother or a father--but others concede that they put off their own personal interests because of the family responsibilities--never to get that time back.
Saturday, August 6, 2016
Everybody's Depressed
" 'You aren't depressed,' Raquel said. 'That's another excuse. Everybody's depressed. You're just you, whatever you is.' "
--Romantic History, pg. 393 by Michael Harris
--Romantic History, pg. 393 by Michael Harris
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