Plumage

For the most part, I've managed to escape situations like this (i.e. waiting for some man to come back and re-establish communication). I avoid Tinder and Bumble, only occasionally flipping through it during school breaks.

The only way you can avoid someone disappointing you, is to avoid him all together.

People will remind me about love and how great it is, I see pictures of newborn babies on Facebook with happily married young couples, but I've been in love. At some point, which I'll never know, I might even had been pregnant. Love makes you crazy, and if you're crazy to begin with, the craziness blossoms into total insanity or madness. Obsessive thinking, anxiety, etc. As I tell my friends, I've been in love once, and I don't plan on repeating the experience.

I do pretty well at avoiding love. To be honest, love doesn't come and find us. We have to be at least somewhat open to the experience. My lab buddy in Microbiology this semester was very handsome, but also engaged. He was sweet too, often cleaning our portion of the lab all by himself. He let me look over his notes (and with the instructor approval), steal his answers if I missed a lab from going up to Stanford. He paid attention, and he did good work. He was also my age, a cop wanting to change occupations. I thought about offering him a beer in thanks of being my buddy all semester, but I never did. If I was younger, I probably would have.

I don't go out to bars any more, I've used the excuse that I'm gay on a few men.

Elijah reminded me that I don't like the stress, the worrying, the waiting, perhaps I'm too old but I don't see the benefit to all this colorful plumage.