Nevermind, Daddy, Nevermind

 My psychotherapist, KR, originally thought that perhaps my father just had a difficulty with expressing affection, but I noticed that whenever my brother (no blood relation) would call, Dad would always end the call with an "I love you." So, KR thought maybe it had to do with females. Recently, my father left a Facebook comment on my cousin's update about how she just recently passed her real estate exam, he said, "You'll be Great at this...Sweatheart.." Yes, he meant to capitalize "great."

First over all, my father never calls me "sweatheart." Second of all, my father never expresses that he's proud of me, ever. I wouldn't even know where to begin to garner such approval. 

I asked my Mom if he would be proud of me if I got my real estate license. I should state that my father is a relatively successful commercial real estate broker. She responded, "Your Dad is proud of you regardless."

That's not true. That should be true. We should love our children, regardless of merit. He's a Republican, and I am a drain on society (I'm on disability and I am "able body"). Plus, Dad might have trouble understanding how my illness (schizoaffective disorder--bipolar disorder) would stop someone from holding down a full time job. The hospital is a crutch, right? Isn't that what people think? What do I add to society? I do not work, and I'm currently not going to school. At least my brother goes to work, even if it's just a security job. 

Maybe my father secretly resents any of the money I cost the family each month like food or toilet paper or the fact that he paid my car insurance and the truck's registration fees (the bills just came in while I was in the hospital; no one made my father pay them). Maybe he thinks I should be paying rent. Maybe he thinks I should be working outside the house, and providing to the family in some way. He probably doesn't realize all the ways I contribute to the family, like the cleaning and the chores and the laundry and how I took care of his horse for him while Ike was still alive. I have a subservient role in this family. Maybe he doesn't like the way I fold his fucking socks...