The Elitism in Me, Part IV [REVISED]

I had two glasses of wine, and was feeling rather adventurous. I looked over at my mother, and said, "You know, at thirty-three years old, I don't believe I'll ever get married."

"Why not?" She asked, slightly shocked. "You could have been married already--"

"True."

"But you choose to not be married."

Dad entered the conversation at this point. "It's better to be single than in a fucked up marriage."

Mom nodded her head at this.

Of course, I can't accurately compare Morpheus to the English instructor (it wouldn't be fair), even if I do find it curious that both are married with children (or better said, were married when I met them), and (yes) both emotionally unavailable (surely, that says more about me than it does them). I've only known the English instructor for a year, and despite all those emails (way more than I ever exchanged with Morpheus), nothing particularly revealing ever emerged from the conversations.  Morpheus, despite knowing him for almost ten years, well, we never had much for conversation either. Surely, we talked at great lengths while we were together (something I rather enjoy doing with him), but over the years, we haven't seen each other often enough to carry on a long conversation. I've probably spend just as many hours in the English instructor's class or sitting with him after class, as I ever did with Morpheus in his home or a hotel room. Granted, the English instructor never fucked me after class, so you have to take that into consideration (sad, but true).

One particular eye-opening experience was having the English instructor's wife visit class one day during fall semester. She has blonde hair, and is rather small, like my mother. I'd guess she wears a size two. Three of the kids showed up too. The English instructor greeted them casually, "Hi, family." I watched his face, looking for a flicker of affection or a moment of vulnerability on his part. None existed. He looked towards them with the same expression he had on his countenance the five minutes before they arrived. He remained unmoved.

Of course, in those moments, I saw the ex-wife of Morpheus standing there, looking beautiful, as I remembered her leaning into my car and asking me if I still had feelings for her husband. I complimented the ex-wife once while talking to Morpheus, and he said, "She's not that attractive." Well, that was probably one of those harmless lies that Morpheus spoke in order to ease my insecurities. Or some bullshit like that. Trust me, according to Morpheus, their problems didn't originate in the bedroom--nor did they ever grow tired of fucking each other. He had sex with her months into their legal separation (although he did tell me that he hasn't banged with his ex-wife since August of 2016).

Oddly, I don't have this kind of insight into the English instructor.