Losing People

Within a span of a few months, I lost three people who were important to me. First and foremost, my grandmother, who towards the end of her life seemed to have lost the capacity to be around other people, and instead, pushed everyone away for reasons that remain a mystery to me. She denied herself care, she denied herself comfort, and she denied herself support--all of which was offered to her.

Next, of course, was my best friend, the LSU Professor, who unfriended me on Facebook because I sent him an email saying, "I just don't have anything to say" recently after my grandmother's death. I thought that was an immature, hurtful stunt, and I have found myself unable to forgive him for it.

Obviously, Morpheus would be included in this, and I have found myself going over the last emails he sent me (only in my mind, not literally), and have found no real evidence that could support any firm conclusion. They just don't make any sense in my mind. Last night, I had a dream about him. I was so happy to see him (in the dream). It's as if whenever I'm around him, I'm always in a dream (hence the name "Morpheus"). I realize now that maybe those emails will be the last conversation we will ever have, and that somehow ten years of a relationship (however you want to define it) will come down to this.

Honestly, even though I believe he is a selfish bastard, he's still the love of my life.