Of course in those more bitter moments, I picture him picking up his phone and dialing me. Before he even speaks to me, I spat, "Well....well...well...if it isn't the world's leading expert on health and happiness....You know what? You only care about three things: one, making money; two, sticking your dick into something wet and warm, and lastly, drinking."

Then, I hang up. A man's entire core personality summed up by three little desires.