"Maybe," he responded yesterday late afternoon. He continued, "I've never wanted to [lose] my family, ever."
I was upset by his letter. I read it once, felt that old anxiety creep back (my anxiety was horrible after the Stanford team took me off of clozapine and on Invega--I was taking almost daily Ativan, which was moderately effective), and then decided to go out into the apple orchard and walk my dog, Beck.
I hadn't had too many problems with anxiety since the Stanford doctors put me on 1,000mg of Seroquel (recommended highest dose is only 800mg). It just went away in the same manner in which it arrived--mysteriously.
When I came back from walking Beck (during which the property manager found me in the field and told me directly that no dogs were allowed in any of the orchards), I decided I was calm enough to send a reasonable response.
"However, I believe..." I started in the second paragraph. There's no "maybe's" in love. You either are or aren't in love with your wife.
I brought up then obvious point that maybe he didn't want to face (who likes to look at his faults or have it pointed out by someone else?). If you never wanted to lose your family, never ever (I am not talking about your children here but referring to the stability with your wife), then why did you risk that by sleeping with another woman? It wasn't a one time mistake but for years!
In the next paragraph, I continued, And if you consider me a blunder in the history of your marriage (a belief for a long time that I held--which was hard to swallow because I am in love with you), then why are you talking to me now?
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