So why did the news of his divorce only made me more upset, instead of happy?
I had to think about that for a few days.
Wouldn't being with him make me joyous? Of course. I've been waiting for him to say that he's ending his relationship with his wife and wants to be with me. Waiting for nine fucking years.
Gathering from the most recent emails, I came to the conclusion that he doesn't want this divorce, and at the chance that the Wife said she was coming back--despite the bitter words between them--he would welcome her with open arms. I wrote to him this afternoon, "How can I blame you for loving your spouse?" I can't. And I can't even fault him for wanting to salvage a relationship with the mother of his children and someone who he has shared his life with for years and years (as I explained in my last email).
"The real problem is me..." I write. I'm still in love with you.
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