Coffee (Morpheus)

From Poetry Group, something that obviously did not end up as a poem:

"(An as-if experiment) So, I bought black panties and shaved and lost the last five pounds in anticipation of seeing him. I thought of all the things and topics that could keep him entertained during our conversation. I debated what coffee I would buy. Would it be a diet Americano with whipped cream (always allowed) or caramel macchiato (care-free, daring, I don't count calories)? Where would we meet? Starbucks (It is his favorite)? It has to be somewhere where I can hear well (I'm deaf in one ear). What do I wear? Oh fuck. Everything is too big, and I can't afford to buy new clothes. The sweater and jacket from White House Black Market will have to do it. Should I have my makeup done at Sephora? (My makeup is too old and needs to be thrown out) Is this a job interview? Will he respect me more now? Will I be stoic? Will I be funny? Will I be flirtatious?

This is taking our relationship out into the air, out into the sun, into scrutiny. It's okay. Eat a scone. Drink a cup of coffee like an average person. It's not a sin anymore. We don't have to hide. The world can see me with you, and you with me, and it's all good.

To be honest (worn-out phrase), I don't know what would make me happier than spending a couple or a few hours talking to him. And how could such a simple thing bring so much joy? People take it for granted. They fall in love and have relationships and spend time with that person and date and get married. Some people. Some end up brokenhearted. But most have time. I never had time. "

(So, of course, he mentioned having coffee a couple of times, I did not initiate that)