While I was showering this morning, a rare moment where I'm by myself, James whispers in my ear, "If you strangle yourself with a towel, all your painful thoughts and feelings will dissipate." My physical pain had ratcheted up to a point that I was beginning to get nauseous. Just by standing there on the hard brown tile.
In a previous admission, I've done just that--played around with the towel, feeling the tightness against my neck, but never long enough to pass out or to leave any permanent marks.
Upon admission, you have to sign a safety contract--that you will not harm yourself while on the unit, and that if you get close to doing so, you will contact one of the nurses or doctors.
The first time I tightened the towel around my neck and confessed my sins, it was excused. The second time I owned up to it--I was thrown over to H2 for a few days until I was "better."
The resident handling the situation at the time asked me if it was a "cry for help." A part of you obviously doesn't want to die, he would tell me. So, what are you doing?
No comments:
Post a Comment