Figuring Out Pain

The Neurologist is sitting behind her computer screen and her desk. She says seriously, "You have a really big bulge, and then on top of that, you have degenerative disc disease, which means you'll have episodes of pain your entire adult life. So, our goal is to treat those episodes of pain as best as we can. That's why I was hoping physical therapy would help you."

To explain my pain took an unusually long amount of time, answering all of the Neurologist's questions, and then filling in as needed. I even said at one point, "I don't know if this is clinically significant..." After all, logic assumes that the more you complain about pain (in different areas) the less seriously a doctor may consider that pain to be. For instance, I have lower abdominal pain from god-knows-what (probably endometriosis). Then I have nerve pain, which the Neurologist identified as being possibly "restless leg syndrome" or peripheral neuropathy, she doesn't know which. She says that usually peripheral neuropathy starts in the hands and feet, and works from there--but I don't have pain in my hands and feet. The burning, stinging sensation is typically down my thighs and arms, in the morning and in the evening, and made worse by showering (why, no one really knows). Then, I have the nerve pain that is clearly from my back. I can say so confidently because I've dealt with it before (about late 2007).

Most of the time, the pain is manageable. Only rarely is it so severe that it stops my whole day. Physical therapy has helped, I can do all sorts of things that I couldn't do before--like hike or lift weights. Despite the major increase in exercise, my weight bounces around, losing and gaining back the same five pounds.

One article in the news recently noted that people with mood disorders are more likely to be prescribed opioids than the general population (38% compared to just 8%). Why, no one could really explain. One thing I do know, that is sort of self-evident: chronic pain makes depression worse, and I'm fairly sure that depression makes chronic pain worse.

I went down that spiral, and then I attempted suicide on August 20, 2008 with a bunch of Norco and more Tylenol.