All the Better

When I said I was more attractive to the poetry professor than to the dog walker (guy I went out with once whom I met on Bumble), the LSU Professor was quickly confused, and assumed I was also dating the poetry professor (not true). I did, however, have coffee with the poetry professor, and he was his usual, charismatic self, all energy and focus. His first question to me was, "Have you been writing?" (Yes, but I didn't tell him what) He found another poetry contest for me to enter, even though the entries can be from anywhere, the competition will likely be only local (I don't have a poem to enter).

I showed the LSU Professor the dick pic I was sent by another stranger from Bumble, and the LSU Professor added that that man did not exist--there was no way that some guy with that big of a dick, and six-pack abs would contact me. It was automatically a scam (I did tell the LSU Professor that the picture could have originated in some am porn scene). I was debating (still am) taking the risk anyway. Since I've seen other pictures of the guy, I do know that at least one point in his young life, he was fit and in shape.

I did ask the English instructor out to coffee, explaining that I have already invited several other [community college] professors, i.e. don't think you're super special or anything. While criticizing my poem "Hospital's Hallway," the English instructor misconstrued it, and saw a reference to him (or at least to his class, even though that wasn't true). I did think about writing an entire column on him for the New York Times, but backed out when I realized that very few people who I know could ever read it. Of course, I haven't heard back from him. His response time has been lengthening, even though he apologizes, and says he's busy (which, understandably, he is).

Unpredictably, I am an A chemistry student, the first ever in my life, even though as told previously, I've taken the course a few different times over the length of my education. My chemistry professor even smiled at me the other morning, and asked how I was doing. At my last evaluation, he shared with me that I had an A in the class, and that he "wasn't worried" about me. That being said, I only scored an 87% on the midterm when there were about six A's in the class as a whole.

Chemistry is exhausting. Three days a week (Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday), I'm in class from eight thirty in the morning until roughly four pm. Sometime in there, the class goes on break for thirty minutes to an hour, depending on how everyone does in the lab, and how quickly they finish. I find lab to be boring, and I had to force myself to go through all the steps, thereby deciding that I will never be a research scientist, and spend my waking days in a lab, conducting experiments that 99% of the time never lead to anything significant or meaningful. Seeing patients, and you at least have the opportunity to solve puzzles in fifteen minutes or less. And then you are faced with another, new challenge coming from patient B sitting in the waiting room.

By the time Thursday comes around, I am finished studying chemistry. This past Friday, I didn't open my books once. I just couldn't motivate myself to focus on the subject.

I haven't heard from Morpheus since leaving that last voicemail message, which I assume is because he needs to think about it for a while, and decide if/when he wants to respond. It could be weeks, months, or maybe even longer. I've decided that as much as I encouraged him to sleep around after he was declared newly single, I don't want to stand by and idly witness it. I can't be a part of his life while he's wandering around in the dark, trying to determine if he could ever commit himself to a woman again. The LSU Professor said, referring to my relationship with Morpheus, that there would be dips and valleys, but the important part is that it's on a positive slope (he is a physics professor after all). I'm not quite sure what that meant. Is that supposed to be that even though it seems like we're not making progress, maybe we, in the larger picture, are? Is it all going to make sense some grand day in the future?

The LSU Professor told me bluntly that he's never gotten over anyone. He still thinks about them, and loves them (mainly, his ex-girlfriend, Greta, who remains to be the love of his life). I told the LSU Professor that I had this epiphany. I didn't need to get over Morpheus, I just had to act like I have. Sure, a few close friends might realize that I still obsess, but if the world at large has no idea, all the better.