Five Year Renewal of Marriage License

written originally October 11, 2009 at 5:25am

It's one of those nights before Vegas (as if Vegas tears the space/time continuum, as if all the world changed at Vegas, in Vegas, on Vegas), and we're arguing about marriage and kids. We've been debating these topics for probably months, if not since the beginning of our relationship, but now, it's arguing. I'm quoting textbooks, and California state marriage/family law, and he's quoting his state laws on division of assets and custody. He has a theory, the five year renewal theory of marriage, while I think that idea is prosperous, and I tell him so.

 "The idea of marriage is that it's supposed to be forever," I say. "You're supposed to say 'I do' and then have the mentality that it will last."

"But in most cases, it doesn't! So, why not just change the law."

"Because it's a religious ceremony. It has a social meaning."

"Five years, I'm just asking for five years, after that, two people can go their own ways or they can stay together, but they have a choice."

I groan audibly. I'm doing laps outside of my apartment in the late summer night, and I'm realizing that this is possibly the sign of mania. I stop, and sit in my mother's grey 2500HD. "If you think that way, why not just have people move in together, and then no marriage."

"Okay."

"But it's not the same as being married!"

"It can be, if two people are really committed."

"No way, in the United States, moving in before marriage actually decreases the chances of success, and abuse and assault rates go up."

"But why?"

"I don't know why. I read it...I've never moved in with someone, and I wouldn't unless I was married. Or at least engaged." These are remnant ideas from my ol' Reformed Protestant background.

We circle each other, neither side giving in. Back in these days, fighting was fun because little to nothing was at stake.

"If I was going to marry you, then I would want it to be forever," he says finally and slowly.

I'm silent; he can't see my smile over the phone.  "That's all I wanted to hear."