"After reading the entries you've posted that were written several years ago, I had some thoughts.
I
really think the meds are
dampening your personality and mental state a lot. (Not news?) You're a
writer - there's no arguing against that. The meds tamper with your
creativity, and frankly this makes me sad in more ways than one. You
have a gift for description, whether of your surroundings or how you're
feeling.
I
don't think you were more interesting back then, or less interesting
now - I just think that you've been dampened. And of course that's
understandable - that's survival. But I am sad to see that creativity
drowned by medication.
What's the answer? I'm not sure that there is one, except to keep surviving. Keep plodding along until
one day you start to see light and hope again. Or as close as we ever get to that, anyway.
I
think Harry's right - manic you and stable-depressed you need to be
integrated, because they're both you, and neither one is the sum total
of who you are.
Lastly,
when you get through this, I want you to write a book. Elizabeth
Wurtzel did, and you're far more interesting than she is. (Don't look at
me like that, I read Prozac Nation, and I know you. I can make an objective observation in this case.) "
---from an email by Amara
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