You Can Be the Good ONe

Originally written on October 5, 2009 at 1:30pm

"How do you know you love me?" I ask Morpheus since he just blurted it out one night.

"Gut instinct," he replies simply.

Over the years, I have watched his love and attachment to me ebb and flow. It's painful to be fucked by a man who is so far gone inside himself that he doesn't even know you're in the room when he's inside of you, but these were bargains and odds I accepted as someone who was deeply in love with him. I was willing even to be married to a man who would never want the level of intimacy I desired.
Sometimes people make the mistake that loving someone else is enough, and in the beginning, it usually is.

You can shoulder the whole misery on your own, you can be the available one, the good one, the one whose own needs and wants are forever put on hold. Eventually, you realize that you're not so good after all. In fact, most of the time, you're hurt and pissed off, and you start fights over completely unrelated shit, because that is safe. You can fight about that.