Always Later

What I would realize later is the fact that the twenty-five dollar bottle of wine (as bitter as it was) emptied my checking amount to a literal $0.00 until next month when I receive my disability payment.

Of course, I didn't mention this fact to Morpheus.

"I remember when you told me 'I don't want your money'," he tells as we're divided by a marble island in the kitchen.

The money is the backdrop to his life in the way money never was for my parents even when they were multimillionaires.

We lived in a small house in a poor part of the state on a mere five acres. However, my parents spent thousand and thousands of dollars on horses, horse trainers and horse equipment. And riding lessons.

Growing up, I never wanted for anything materially, much the same way Morpheus' kids never go without and are constantly entertained by ball practice and other children events.

I had my horses, and that was the best part of growing up because home and school were not happy places.

Morpheus' house is a big sign, "I made it out of ordinary income and now I'm above people with less ambition and less smarts."

As a family, we never needed a fancy place to stay. We had our horses and our new trucks and cars (including an awesome Cadillac STS that sucked you back in the seat whenever you passed someone on the freeway).

Are we less content with less money (combined incomes among the three of us--as Dad hasn't earned a penny all year--) that makes us barely middle-class?

We do without on a lot of big benefits, from being unable to afford a herd of horses to me having to rely on government and state ran insurance, which is particularly bad for treating mental health. If only I could have private insurance. We don't eat out all the time like we did in the 90's and early 2000's (growing up i never remember anyone cooking). Dad drives a new truck, but Mom and I drive little pieces of shit, both Mazda's.

My mother would be thrilled if I could marry someone upperclass because she was relatively poor growing up.

The truth is, rich people marry other rich people and all have their rich friends to match.

Unlike my mom, I never wanted to rely on someone else's income, because it skews the power balance. All through high school and my college career, I wanted to make my own money by being a vet or physician.

I just never got there.

The subject of money is a mostly avoided topic between Morpheus and I, largely due to the fact that because of the Wife's background (family apparently has old money), she has never held down a job in her life  (but does have a Bachelor's). Morpheus gifted her a brand new Denali before they were even married.

I can't get the guy to buy me a cup of coffee.