Social Expectations

Unfortunately, we superimpose our expectations of others unto them, often in confusing ways (because we can be out of touch with our own drives). This is what makes romantic relationships so difficult.

We've all heard of the three-day-rule, in which after you go out on a date with someone, "he" (usually this speaks to males in a heterosexual setting) contacts you within three days or on the third day.

Not two weeks later (okay, so it wasn't two weeks I went without hearing from Morpheus after we got together, it was a week and five days).

Social expectations for everyone (males and females) provide some sense of solace in what can be a stressful start for a relationship (because of the "unknown" factor).

We play by these rules because it's usually better for everyone involved.

So, what does that say (about you, about the other person) when your messages are ignored after meeting up with someone?

Maybe it says nothing, and this is the part of the story that I get wrong. However, I run on the bias that if you really want to see a person, you keep in contact with said person. Yes, work can take up a lot of time, and so can parenting children, but it's relatively easy to send a five-second TXT-message, along the lines of "Sorry, I'm busy, but will call you on Tuesday."

And then you make good on that promise by calling on Tuesday.

These are simple reassurances that I need--and help to quiet some self-disparaging thoughts.

After all, if you don't hear from the person, you are left with many intrusive cognitions, including "If I didn't hear from him, he must not like me/want to see me."