Single And Childless

Most of us are more comfortable viewing ourselves as victims rather than the perpetrators in a relationship.

We say to ourselves, "I'm a good person, and therefore I act accordingly."

But often, especially in the heat of the moment, we say and do things that are hurtful and wrong. This does not mean, however, that it re-defines you as a "bad person," but only that you are capable of doing bad--or acting selfish and unkind.

And we all do.

I've wondered frequently over the last few days (since I cut off communication with Morpheus on last Friday by telling him "goodbye") if I am not sensitive enough to his desire to be with his children, being that I am single and childless, and frankly don't fully understand parenting. Throughout most of my life, I've never wanted children, and recently, it's become very clear that I can't have kids because I would be forced off my medication (preferably before) during pregnancy and after for breastfeeding. That would likely make me unstable, which in turn would make me an unfit parent (although people with bipolar disorder and other serious mental illnesses do go off their medications for pregnancy, and survive).

Case in point (via TXT-message):

Me: "Okay. Are we going to see each other again?"

Morpheus: "Think I'm moving...Just had an offer on the house...And I really miss the kids."

Me: "Does that mean you don't want to see me again?"

All I was really interested in, at the time, was: how is this going to affect us, our relationship, etc? I wasn't thinking about his strained relationship with his kids.