The Problem Is, I Haven't Written It Yet

"I was wondering if I could bring by something to show you," I ask the poetry professor who has me stopped in the computer lab.

"Yeah, sure...more poems?" He seems excited by this prospect.

"No," I pause. "That essay for the New York Times, would you read it? Later?"

"Anytime," he says and then walks off a little ways.

The problem is, I haven't written it yet, even though after I did some homework, working on my free speech project in COMM class, I had some time to write, and I spent it reading the news. I'm trying to imagine a cohesive essay on both the English instructor and Morpheus from the perspective of a retired sex worker, since traditionally they haven't been well represented in mainstream media, unless connected to trafficking or drug addiction. I can't remember ever reading an article in the New York Times about prostitution of the middle or high class. Another problem: it would be difficult, if not down right dumb, to have English professors read an essay about the English instructor, when it could take them about two seconds to figure out who I'm talking about (lovingly, of course). Oh, yeah, tall, handsome guy who teaches Engl 156 and Engl 201A. Partially because the division is so small. Obviously, the English instructor didn't do anything wrong, inappropriate or unethical, so if other professors learn about my feelings for him, it really shouldn't matter. However, I still can't help but think that would raise more eyebrows than even my confession of being a sex worker. At least the eyebrows and grins of the local community college (the audience who reads the Modern Love column probably wouldn't care if he was a professor or a dean or someone else in charge at a university). Today, I ran across an article in an academic journal about how ridiculous it is to stigmatize students who have sex with their professors. If only everyone shared that opinion.

Another issue is: I don't have a good ending to write. The English instructor would probably appreciate it if I never contacted him again, and I have little communication with Morpheus. I didn't end up in a happy, healthy committed relationship, so no one is going to have the feeling of resolution that other writings could perhaps provide. Could that be a bit of a letdown or would it just be a more realistic perspective? What I don't want to do is fall into the trap that being a prostitute is a negative experience because in many ways, it's not. And it would be unfair to other sex workers if I portrayed it that way.