The Unfortunate Ramblings

The meeting started out on edge because a few days before, I had told the LSU Professor that Morpheus had contacted me. He IM'ed me back, asking if I would see him, and added, "Will [Morpheus] be there?" For whatever reason, I was insulted by a rather benign remark. I felt mocked, and I told the LSU Professor so. He apologized to me in person as we were sitting down to have lunch.

But then, somehow, the conversation slipped into how Joseph treats me (and I feel about Joseph) and how I treat Morpheus (and how Morpheus feels about me). Trust me, I didn't appreciate the comparison. Just a few minutes ago, Joseph TXT-messaged me, "Dont u ever forget that i Love u." What's wrong with having traits in common with Joseph, who is an upstanding citizen (a little bit of a homophobic asshole when talking about gay rights) and who genuinely, despite my resistance, cares for me, and perhaps loves me? A person could do much worse (and that's, of course, the point). If you want to argue that I should love Joseph because he cares about me and has solid employment, I would argue that this isn't 1917, but rather 2017 when women can get married for reasons other than economic security, and oh, yes, to a man who won't hit me (even when I really deserve it) because he's a gentleman that way.

"Don't you see the similarities?" The LSU Professor tells me.

"Well, I hope [Morpheus] doesn't feel about me the way I feel about Joseph," I remark, feeling rising anger.

"Why? Joseph's a nice guy, there's nothing wrong with him."

"Because the sex is boring, and I'm not attracted to him. I would hope that the sex wasn't boring between [Morpheus] and I. But maybe it was."

"You want to believe that [Morpheus] is still attracted to you." (author's note: I'm not sure on the exact nature of this quote)

Doesn't everyone? You don't want to be around a romantic partner who has sex with you, not because you're hot and great in bed, but because you're easily available and you don't complain much? "Maybe he's not. That's my prevailing theory, that he's not attracted to me anymore, and he realized it at some point in the night when we last saw each other in September, which is why he hasn't called."

In some later remark, the LSU Professor tells me, "Your emotions inhibits your logic."

Fucking great. "I'm insulted by that. I have thought of everything," I respond, referring to the fact that I have carefully considered all options and viewpoints on the Morpheus mystery, including everything from he's so in love with me that he's afraid to be with me and commit to me because he has "avoidant, insecure attachment style"--to--he's just using me when he's bored, lonely and horny.

"Well, I'm sorry--" The LSU Professor starts.

I figure he's going to apologize at this point.

"--that you're human." He stares at me. He then, for reasons I'm not aware of, launches into a rant about how horrible it was for Morpheus to have sex with me while his wife was pregnant, "for you and for the baby."

"What does his wife being pregnant have anything to do with me?" I say, as I'm remembering a conversation I had with Morpheus, years ago, telling him that the worst part of number three (who grew up to be beautiful like her parents) was the fact that it had nothing to do with me. It was about him and his feelings for his wife.

"Because he made you promises, and he didn't tell you he was sleeping with his wife."

"I kind of assumed once she moved back into the house again and they were sharing the same bed, that he was fucking her again." I'm getting pretty heated at this point.

The LSU Professor says something I don't remember.

"You don't know what happened. Maybe they were in bed together, and she climbed on top of him and started stroking him, is he going to say no to that? Would you? It's not like he got her pregnant on purpose. It was a complete surprise."

"But he should have told you."

"He did! Within weeks of finding out. And the only reason why I remember that is because I wrote about it."

"I have never slept with two women at the same time," he argues.

"What does that matter? You're just imposing your value system on this. Lots of people have sex with more than one person, like polyamory or non-monogamy...I never called you foolish for [girlfriend 1] or [girlfriend 2]."

"I'm not calling you foolish."

"You think I was too dumb to figure out he was sleeping with his wife."

"Hey, I never said anything about your intelligence. You are very smart."

And then we argued more over the same subjects.