One Last Thought, Part IV

"Dear Mr. [The English instructor],

First, I must say that I wanted to be your friend, to know you truly and deeply like I've known few in my life, and I find those relationships to be very rewarding and fortunate for me.

Second, you have always treated me with the upmost respect and consideration, you have been very ethical and upright. You have politely maintained your boundaries as you see fit as both a married man and also as an educator, even strictly so, which is why this email is directed toward Mr. [the English instructor], not '[first name here].' In short, you have behaved admirably."

--email titled "One Last Thought" to the English instructor, sent early this morning

Recently, I read The New York Times, which featured an article about two people (woman and man) working together at a university in the same field, one of which was a junior faculty member, and the other had a more senior rank. They worked together, and predictably fell in love because they shared the same passions. Unfortunately for them, they were married to other people at the time, and they hid their affair from their spouses for ten years before finally confessing and getting a divorce. The article was unusual in the fact that these two scientists stayed together the rest of their lives, bonded by their mutual research and interests. 

Obviously if that type of storybook ending was more common, it wouldn't have been written about in the New York Times to begin with. 

It reminds me a bit of the story in Loving Frank the novel. He was married with kids (and never divorced his wife because she threatened to take them away from him if he did), and she was married with kids (after her divorce, she saw her children rarely). They both sacrificed a lot to be together, including at least partially the relationship they had with their kids. However, they loved each other with great affection, and remained together until the woman was killed by a disgruntled servant, many years later. 

Most, however, would find that falling in love with someone who is married is rather damning, an open wound of guilt and hypocrisy. 

Or rather, you can fall in love all you want as long as you don't act on your feelings. 

Some of the people who I have the most disrespect for are those who claim to want to be my friend, only they have an agenda to con me into sleeping with them or committing to them. I didn't want to make that mistake with the English instructor. While perhaps I didn't want to fuck him (debatable, right?), I didn't know exactly what I was after, and therefore, I was asking more than he could give me.