One Last Thought, Part V

"Although I don't know you at all, I know [Engl 201B Professor] better, to put it into perspective. I know I'm in love with your writing. I find you to be handsome and extremely smart and intriguing, if not sometimes a bit frustrating because you have an innate ability to dodge certain inquiries. And also, you know how to hide your emotions from your face."

 

--email titled "One Last Thought" sent to the English instructor early this morning. 

 

In Engl 201A last semester, our class spent some time reading and reviewing the book The Bean Trees by Kingsolver. As I've mentioned in previous entries, it wasn't one of my favorite novels. But in that book, the main character Taylor falls in love with Estevan, who is married to someone else. The night that his wife attempts suicide, Estevan goes over to Taylor's house, and eventually the two sleep together on the couch. Taylor leaves after a little while, kissing his palm as she goes. 

 

The question I got into with the English instructor was: why didn't she have sex with him? 

 

The English instructor's response was along the lines of "her maternal instinct kept her from doing it." 

I called bullshit (not literally, of course), and blamed it on how Taylor was socially and sexually awkward. 

 

The English instructor in turn replies, referring to the part of the novel where it says that Taylor had seen a few peckers in her life, that she was not naive. 

The more I think about this novel, and that particular situation, I believe that it was only fear holding her back. Fear of rejection, fear of intimacy, fears of all sorts. How could Taylor be better than the rest of us?