"Tell Me It's Over I Don't Want You to Hurt"

--Shinedown, "Call Me"


We were sitting on the couch when he pulls out his phone and looks down at it. He says, "[Girl 1] and [Girl 2] just independently TXT-ed me asking what I'm going tonight. I'm in a bit of a pickle..."

I get up suddenly. "Oh fuck!" I head towards the front door.

"Are you leaving?" He calls after me, although he doesn't move from his position.

"Yes, so you can tell [Girl 1] and [Girl 2] that you're free tonight!" I close the door behind me. The minute I step outside, I have this horrible feeling, a sharp pain of loneliness and love. I make it to my SUV, and "Call Me" by Shinedown is playing (I always felt that song is about suicide). I get on the freeway, and I try to calm myself down. My phone dings. It's a text-message from Morpheus: "Hey, can you come back? :) I'm sorry."

I turn around, and head back to his house without replying. I find myself back at his front door. I ring the doorbell, and then knock.

"Okay, two things," I begin, "One, when you and I are together, it's our time, and I don't want you talking to other women during that time...Just like if Joseph or [Lucky] contacted me while I was with you, I would ignore them."

"Okay," he says, looking slightly frightened.

"Number two..." I'm quite heated at this point. "I want us to be able to make plans like you saying we're going to have dinner at five pm tomorrow, and that you want me to be there by four-thirty..." He had mentioned earlier that he wanted me to come back for dinner the next day. "I want to be able to count on you!" I'm starting to cry at this point.

He's standing there a few feet from me. "Okay, you need to calm down, you are getting emotional. Just come with me over to the couch, and sit down." He's still standing there.

I just want him to come up to me, and hold me, so that I'm not frightened. But I only stand there, leaning against the wall with my arms crossed, to protect myself.

Back on the couch, he tells me, "I'm very happy you came back."

Later I would say to him that, "Sometimes I wonder if I just need closure, if I should just forget about you, and move on with my life."

He asks me, "Is that what you want?"

"No, I never want to say goodbye to you."