The Friends' Disapproval Rating

Last night, while I was trying to start my paper on freedom of speech, I called the LSU Professor, and we talked about his life, and then I told him that I saw Morpheus, but we didn't have sex.

The LSU Professor asked me, "What is the definition of 'being used'? A friend and I were talking about it, and we couldn't come up with anything clear. It's a really tough question to answer." Of course, this lead to the LSU Professor telling me that I make up excuses for Morpheus, and that Morpheus is using me--with direct intent. Obviously, I don't agree with that assertion. But it seems like the more I defend Morpheus, the more the LSU Professor is convinced that I'm not thinking rationally about Morpheus. In other words, the more I argue, the more I just drown myself.

Morpheus even said, as I was leaning against the wall next to the door, that I was angry because he wouldn't tell me how he felt. I responded with, I wasn't asking him to love me, that I just wanted us to spend time together.

My father, last night, talked about how he use to punch holes in the wall (I remember this as a small child), and that he had a serious problem. For the record, my father has never acted aggressively nor abusively towards me or my mother, at least not in recent memory. Does that history make my father a bad man? For whatever reason, I believe that people can change, although change is hard. If you ever read The General Theory of Love, the only part of the book that I remember (I read it when I was eighteen) is the point that when two people love each other, they can create harmony and joy. It's just against the odds. That people when they love can change each other for the better. Does it happen in every marriage or even the majority? No.

If I really felt that Morpheus was abusive, I would cut off ties, just like I did with Mr. FS (who was verbally and physically abusive--he choked me once during sex, although I never gave that consent) and with Iago, who was also verbally abusive and controlling. It's not like I can't spot an asshole (at least eventually).

In general, you don't want your friends, who are supposed to be understanding, supportive and nonjudgmental, to dislike or frown upon your romantic relationship (or as I told Morpheus on Wednesday, "our arrangement"). But maybe that can't be totally avoided. Am I supposed to distant myself from the LSU Professor because I continue to see and interact with someone who he does not approve of? That seems like a bad deal because you never want to lose a friend over a fight like this.