"You're not going to find anyone unless you go out and are interacting with new people, like taking up a new hobby or joining a book club. How does that sound?" The imaginary female therapist looks at me earnestly, like she has the whole world figured out.
"Number one, I don't want to find anyone new. Okay? I realize that maybe it seems very odd or even abnormal, but I don't want to be in a relationship, and number two--number two, I don't have time for a book club. I have plenty of books to read just with my four classes."
"You want to be in a relationship with [Morpheus], but you don't want to be in a relationship?" She asks, thinking she has me trapped in some uncomfortable place.
"I never said I wanted to be in a relationship with [Morpheus]. I mean, yeah, if things were different--sometimes I imagine coming home to him like a normal individual, but--"
"It's okay to have needs and wants. To want to be close to someone. And it's okay to believe you'll find it."
"Really? I told my mother the other day that the only reason why I'd ever marry would be for money. My opinion on that hasn't changed. My friend [Rosa] once said that I acted like long term relationships were cancer." I smile slightly.
"Why for money?"
"The oldest reason ever. Financial stability. I remember a life when I didn't have to worry about where money came from. I wouldn't mind returning to that life...What if that's the last conversation we ever have?" I say, changing the subject, and suddenly frightened.
"What if it is?"
"Whenever I think about it, it just stops me in my tracks. Like it's impossible to digest."
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